Grudges and Forgiving

Sometimes, in the course of our interactions with other people we find ourselves not being able to understand each other, being unjust or receiving injustice... and more often than not this leads us to hold grudges. Perhaps there is a fear of appearing weak. Perhaps we feel insecure about something. These little mistakes and misunderstandings, inevitable in the course of our day-to-day interactions - if not dealt with in the appropriate manner, can turn into a grudge.

A grudge is rather like a virus. A virus spreads by infecting more and more cells. In some ways, a grudge is rather like the HIV virus - in the sense that it attacks the immune system - the very life-force that holds the organism (or organisation) together. I say this because grudges undermine the relationships that hold us together. It is through our relationships that we create meaning and achieve great things - none of this is done by individuals alone!

It doesn't take long for this little virus to grow inside us - at times it can become overwhelming - filling us with anger, frustration and negativity. This has direct effects on our behaviour - how do we relate to the person against whom we have a grudge, how do we talk about these people to others, what effect does that have on other people around us? Soon we are getting over-run by this virus!

Now, if I hold a grudge against you and this affects my behaviour towards you... it won't be long before you feel that there is something not-so-nice going on - and this leads to distancing. A little vicious cycle appears. I act unpleasantly with you. You act unpleasantly with me. The words I use and the way I use them suck you into my whirlpool of animosity. I bad-mouth you. I complain about you to my friends. Little undercurrents of mistrust begin to spread and soon the system is attacking itself. Like the HIV virus, this state of infection can remain incubated for a long time before it breaks out into full-blown AIDS.

Now, it may be that there is no cure for AIDS - at least not yet. But the same is not true of problems with our relationships. Relationships need to be nurtured in order to thrive. This is not some fluffy nonsense. This is real science.

And believe it or not, there is a special cure for damaged relationships. That cure is FORGIVING. It is a curious little action that is incredibly powerful - especially when it comes from the heart (superficial forgiving tends not to work). This little article might just help to make the role and importance of forgiving in the workplace a little bit clearer.

All this leads me to wonder: what is the relationship between organsiational change and organisational healing or reconciliation? Can an organisation really embark on a meaningful change journey without addressing its internal fragmentation - the rifts between people who are supposed to be collaborating with each other? Or is this healing process actually a part of the change process itself? Does the need to change bring to attention the need to heal?

It seems that so much of what organisational change is about is bringing people within an organisation together, helping them to understand each other (which may include forgiving when required) and enabling them to co-create a shared purpose that they can all strive for together. Many of the rifts that get created are of deep psychological significance - just what might it take to bridge them? What kind of conversations? What kind of facilitated reflection and interaction? Who would need to be involved?

My mind is already a-bubble with ideas! Please share yours!