Going to University

Going to university is one of those things that I have been contemplating for the last four years while working with Seva Mandir, here in India. Every year I have looked at courses, every year I have ended up finding only one course that satisfied me - and even then, I found myself uncertain. Why is this and why do I feel ready now?

Over the course of the last few years I have steeped myself - mind, body and spirit - in the work that I am doing. I have been obsessive. I have tried out all kinds of experiments, methods, approaches and ideas. I have dissolved, by and large, the lines (if there were any) between my life and my work. I developed the habit of writing my thoughts, of reflecting on my self and my 'professional' practice. I have read vastly on the subjects that interest me and are related to my work - on evaluation, on organisational learning, on change, on governance, on participation, on leadership, on complexity science and its multifarious applications... the list goes on.

As a result of all this, I have learned a huge amount. I have also gained the opportunity to work directly at the field level in a community development process - crossing cultures - transforming my own perception of myself. Who I am and where I am from - questions that the answers 'Andre' and 'England' really don't seem to do justice to anymore (if they ever did). I sometimes forget that I wasn't born in India. I have known that this has been happening to me over the last few years. Before coming - although I didn't know what it would feel like - I knew that this is what would happen to me... and that is why I chose to come here.

As I traveled this personal journey of learning and change, the idea of going to university lingered on the peripheries. The more I read, the more I immersed myself and the more I strived to apply what I had learned - the action research and inquiry frameworks (internal and external, personal and participatory) and a host of methods and tools - the more I wondered what a degree might give me that I wasn't getting anyway. When I went to visit IDS (the place I just got accepted to) a few summers ago, I spoke to Robert Chambers - a hero of sorts in the field of participatory development. I told him about my work here and my interest in doing a Masters at IDS. He asked me: "If you're already doing these things, what do you expect to get from here?"

To be honest, I don't remember what I answered. I don't even know if I had an answer... But the question only added fuel to my general confusion about why I wanted to go to university at all. So I returned to my little world here in Udaipur and continued to immerse myself in my life of learning and doing. And the learning hasn't ended - it has only deepened, expanded, engaged me more thoroughly - taking me precisely in the direction that I had wanted to go in. The reason for my coming has been getting fulfilled - much as I had imagined it would - and much quite differently indeed!

So why off to study now? If I've achieved all this, then what's the point? I recently sent an email to my friends back home in England in which I laid out the following reasons:

There may be several reasons. One - it will help me to figure out if I am living in a bubble - and if so, to what extent. Two - it will put me in contact with lots of people who are basically crazy about and experienced in the same things as me. Three - it gives me a good excuse to take a break, catch up with family and friends and be a student again. Four - I might really learn something new and exciting that I hadn't had the chance to learn before. Five - it will end with me getting a little piece of paper that opens many doors faster than years of persistent effort (which sounds rather like another way of saying 'cheating' - hehehe... especially when considering the whole thing costs 11,000 quid!). Six - it's the only degree, after much searching, that I'm actually prepared to subject myself to! Six good reasons. There are probably lots more but after years of questioning... these are the ones that I'm confident about.

Is that it though? Isn't there more to it than this? One thing that struck me is that this is all about things that I hope to 'get' or 'receive'. What about what I am going to give? What about all the experience that I will now be able to take with me from here - experiences and insights that I can share with the people studying with me? Why didn't I factor this into my reasons for going? As I think about it, there is a great deal that I am already thinking about doing once I get there - ideas I want to share, experiments I want to engage in, processes I would like to set up, interactions I would like to have... Perhaps I should view my student experience not just in terms of what I get to take away but also - and perhaps more importantly - what I get to share and contribute. Indeed, perhaps this will be what I truly get to take away the most: what I put in.

Now isn't that a nice thought for the day!